Time Passages


I first met Jeff Duren about a year and a half ago. I won't tell you how many years ago I met his wife, Ginger, I'll just say that it was many years ago and another place and time. But everything comes back around, and I was lucky enough to reconnect with Ginger at what we would probably both say was perfect timing.

When I first met Jeff, he was home from a round of chemotherapy. He was sitting in a cozy chair in his living room, with a baseball hat on and wearing a smile. He joked with me as if I had known him forever. I left my children in the car, for fear they might have a germ I didn't know about, while I delivered a Costco lasagna to the Duren household. I ended up staying forever...laughing, talking. When I finally returned to the car, Caitlyn asked me, "What in the world took so long?" I responded that I had reconnected with an old friend and had met a new one. That was a wonderful day.

I was fortunate enough to see Jeff several more times over the next year and a half, at their house, at our class reunion, and a couple of times as we ran into each other in the thriving metropolis called Winder, Georgia. The last time I saw Jeff outside the hospital was the day he found out he had come out of remission. I was standing in line in Target when someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was Jeff, and I knew from Ginger's updates that he was waiting around for a doctor's appointment later that day...the one that would tell him whether he was still in remission or headed for a bone marrow transplant. I asked him how he was doing and he said factually, "Not real good. The cancer is most likely back." I told him I knew about that and that I meant how was he doing emotionally. He responded that his faith was in the Lord and that he would go where the Lord took him. Then, he hugged me and hugged Harry, who also wanted a high five, which Jeff enthusiastically gave him.

Unfortunately (for us) where the Lord chose to take him was Home last Sunday, May 16 Fortunately (for Jeff) he is dancing and laughing, at peace and pain free. His family is still here, though, and they are in a million pieces, trying to come to terms with what has happened.


A lovely picture of Jeff and Ginger at our high school reunion


I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to reconnect with Ginger and to have known Jeff. Through all this, I was able to see the power of a good friend, a longtime friend. When Julie Lancaster and I sat at Jeff's funeral on Thursday of last week and witnessed our old friends Julie Kellam and Lisa McBryant walking in and taking their places with the family, I was moved beyond belief. I felt privileged to witness the power of a long time friend, and felt even happier to have these people back in my life.

Rest in peace, Jeff Duren. You made my friend happy, you gave her daughter a father, and you were and continue to be an inspiration to many.



The school year is drawing to a close. At the time of this writing, we have two more days. This has been a good year and I won't carry on again about how much I'll miss these teachers. We have had a couple of really full weeks. A few nights ago we were proud to sit in the audience as Caitlyn was inducted into the International Thespian Society. I was proud to stand myself and recite the Thespian pledge with the new inductees. They all looked very nice in their formal attire, and we were also very proud when Caitlyn's name was called as outstanding freshman Thespian. Congratulations Caitlyn on a very successful school year!

Caitlyn and her friend at the Thespian induction

Chance has had a pretty good year himself, even learning to write legibly under the patient guidance of Mrs. Langley, and under my threats to send him to handwriting boot camp with Maisy's kindergarten teacher. He scored well on the CRCT and is leaving third grade better than when he started. We can't ask for much more, can we?

As for Maisy, she has blossomed and become even more fun, if that is possible. She has learned to read and write, has learned math skills I swear we didn't see until third grade, and has learned valuable social skills. And to warm my nerdy little heart and soul, last Friday she brought me the "white envelope" with a big smile on her face. Inside the white envelope was the placement recommendation for the gifted program. She tested a few weeks ago and has really been looking forward to receiving the "white envelope!" Congratulations, Beamy! You may be a geek, but you're a geek with style and fun. I don't know where the world will take you, or perhaps where you'll take the world, but I can't wait to watch.


Maisy at last week's sock hop




While we're on the subject of things coming to a close, I might as well put this out there...a few weeks ago I made sure that Harry was the final entry into the Charles and Rebecca Martin household. Everything went well. Our ark is full, as Charley would say, and we're enjoying the new opportunities for adult life that leaving the baby years behind has offered us. I tossed all the baby equipment and only kept a Rubbermaid box full of my favorite keepsakes and clothes. The end of another era. As I work on reclaiming my adult life, working toward the body I once had before four pregnancies, I have started examining my options for the future. Harry has at least two more years before I even consider releasing him to the Jackson County school system and for now, I am content to take freelance writing and editing projects as they present themselves. However, inside and patiently waiting to escape is my academic side. She has been quiet for a while now, but is starting to make herself heard once again. So, I have ordered some information on some academic programs to see how I might want to proceed. It is a very good possibility that when Harry walks through the door of the kindergarten for the first time, I'll be walking once again under that sacred Arch. I'm never going to be completely happy until I am not just a writer, but a science writer. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE editing, but my first and true love is writing, followed closely by a love of science that was unfortunately squelched back in my junior year of high school by a teacher named Ernie Blankenship, who tried his best to convince me I wasn't any good in science. But the love has never left, and I have news for you, Ernie Blankenship..."You were wrong, Ernie, and some day soon I'll be seeing you from the by-line of a scientific journal article." I just have to decide...insects or igneous rocks??? Mantids or magma???

So, endings and beginnings. They are usually one and the same. Last night I teared up over the series finale of Lost. Tomorrow night, I'll tear up at a graduation where I only know a couple of people, and only know them through my daughter. I promised her I would take her to graduation to see some of her friends march in and (hopefully!) receive their diplomas. Pomp and Circumstance always makes me emotional. This time, it will be because I am not that far away from seeing my daughter in her cap and gown, grasping her diploma. Unlike the good old days at BHS, I bet they'll even give out real diplomas at graduation. She doesn't realize it yet, but seeing her first high school graduation is going to be a moving experience. She'll see her friends leaving and going away, but she'll also begin to see herself in their place, moving on to the next phase of her life. I wish we all could see life through the eyes of a high school senior once again.

Welcome summer. Welcome next phase. Welcome whatever is waiting around the bend.

Spoiling the Spoiled

Blogspot is misbehaving tonight...so some pictures are out of order. Please see pictures and then read post as it appears below.

Our niece, Caroline Elizabeth Martin, was baptized Saturday at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Buford.

Chance rides the mechanical bull at Relay for Life

My Mother's Day party on Sunday night.

Charley and his group at Relay for Life.

Did anyone really think she'd stop texting for the event?

Wow...it has been several days since my last post. This end of school year thing is really taking its toll on my time. That, and the several huge projects I have hanging over my head!

Thursday night Charley and I welcomed the opportunity to escape for the night. Since our trip to Orlando in October was a success and Jim and Linda didn't go running, screaming from our home, we have tried to get away for a night when the opportunity presents itself. Our destination of choice? Athens, of course. Eighteen miles in distance but a complete world away. When I cross over from Jackson County into Clarke County, I suddenly feel about 20 years younger. I like to put on some REM and grab a Flagpole, sit on the hotel bed and plan out our evening of fun. You CAN go back to college, no matter how old you get, and the best part is now I am old enough to appreciate everything but still young enough to blend in downtown.

Our evening ended up where it usually does, at the Copper Creek Brewing Company on Washington Street. This is kind of the nerdy man's pub. It's not unusual to see professors grading papers at the bar. But the music is good, the food is excellent, and their rotation of house brews is beyond compare. I always leave there refreshed, and looking forward to my next trip away from reality. Thanks Jim and Linda, and thanks Caitlyn for being such a help.

Outside Copper Creek on Washington Street in Athens.

We enjoyed seeing Jeff, Julie and family at the Gwinnett Relay for Life on Friday. This event was HUGE and I had no idea how big it was. More on this and the rest of our weekend in the pictures.

Harry is coming along in his potty training. I'd love to have him out of diapers before our trip to Philadelphia in late June, but I think that goal is a little lofty. He just doesn't seem to care. He's proud of himself when he goes, but equally proud of himself when he "cuts the cheese" in his diaper (his word for any diaper activities). The big funny so far with his potty training came on Saturday. Most of you have already read this via Facebook, but I'll go over it again. On Saturday we went to see Jim's little girl baptized at Prince of Peace Catholic Church. Harry had been doing good for several days with his training, so we allowed him to wear one of his Toy Story pullups instead of a diaper. We have to wonder what the people at Huggies were thinking when they put Buzz and Woody on the crotch of a little boy's pullup. Did they ever stop to imagine a little boy, nearly three years old, go up to a group of people in church, point to his privates and say, "I've got a Woody?" I THINK NOT.

In a follow up to my previous post, I informed the people at BPC that June 6 would be my last day with the acolyte program. A big thank you needs to go to Alex Cook. His kind words went a long way toward making me feel like less of a flake.

I have a confession to make now...many of you are aware of my debilitating addiction to television spoilers. With all the information out there, it is so easy now to find out ahead of time little snippets of what might happen on my favorite shows. There are message boards, speculation threads, blogs, photo sites, illegal video clips, and people like Korbi and Ausiello to feed the frenzy. There are executives like Hart Hanson, who thrill in mysterious, one-line Twitter posts meant to rile the fan base. I was doing so well. At Caitlyn's suggestion, I had sworn off the spoilers cold turkey. I had deleted all my bookmarks and even disabled my account at The Lab, the unofficial Bones forum. I had done so well...I had gone nearly three weeks without so much as looking at a TV Guide. I was feeling better, mentally and physically. I had even started to realize that people like Booth, House, and Peter were fictional characters and what happened to them had no effect on my real life.

I might need a Number 9 to get through the Bones season finale!

Then it happened...an email with the title, "You Have a Private Message at The Lab." HA! They won't suck me in because I disabled my account. I don't remember my password! I can't possibly read this. But then I began to wonder what would happen if I clicked the link. Would it take me to a page that said my account had been disabled? What could the message possibly say? I had been off the site for weeks. Surely no old thread I had posted on had made its ways back to the top. Or had it? Maybe I should just click the link and get it over with...I won't be able to log on anyway since I disabled the account. Or did I?

Fortunately (or not) the link took me back to the site, as if I never disabled my account. So here I am, back on the crack as Caitlyn would say. Back to spoilers, back to speculation, back to being an Aushole. At least we're only about ten days away from the end of the season for Bones, the show that causes me the most anguish. If you need me before then, I'll be in The Lab.

On a final note, I'd like to say a bit about Mother's Day. I'm not going to get real sappy because I am not sappy, and neither is my own mother. But I would like to tell her how special she is and how much I appreciate all she has done and continues to do for me. She is a real gem. I am also blessed to have some other wonderful women in my life...my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, aunts and friends. I hope the day was special for all of you. And to my children...Caitlyn, you are what first made this day possible for me to celebrate. You made me a mother and each new experience with you is special. Chance, you made me a mother for the second time and taught me how to appreciate little boy humor. Maisy, it is because of you that I decided to leave the traditional job and see what I could make of myself from home. And Harry, you are the icing on my cake. I am so proud of them. On days like today when my patience is thin and my agitation level is high, I hope they realize how special they are. Two girls and two boys...snips, snails, sugar, spice, light sabers, Hulk hands, bugs, makeovers, Tree Hats, video games, crowns, magic wands, and all...my hands are full but so is my life.

Endings, Beginnings and More Endings

At the beginning of our school year, I hung a big flag in the shape of a yellow bus that said, "School Days." At the back of the house, I also hung a little miniature bus flag that said, "Back to School." I did this to tease Chance, since he was not ready to give up his summer days in front of the television and clutching a Wii remote. But truth be told, I was secretly glad to see the big yellow taxi, even if it meant sending my Maisy off for the first time. Fast forward almost nine months, and I am as anxious as Chance for this year to be over.Maisy and Skulli love to sleep late!

We have had a great school year, full of fun and honors and awards and all kinds of good things that make a parent proud. If I may boast for just a moment, my Chance and my Maisy BOTH have the most AR points for their grade. To make this even sweeter, Maisy was the first kindergartener to obtain the prized AR hat. Caitlyn has really excelled this year as well, diving into her freshman year and coming out with good grades, good experiences and a mystery award to be given at next week's Honors Day.

But the time has come. It needs to end. A school year in its final days when teachers are tired and students are bored is almost painful to watch. They drag themselves up the stairs every morning, drag themselves off the bus and just seem to be going through the motions while these last days slowly tick by...tick, tock, tick, tock.

I am ready to fire up the Wii, ready to get into that growing Netflix queue, and ready to stop having to sign those damned agendas. I'm ready to quit harping on not ruining your good pants on Art Day, quit worrying over Maisy spending all her lunch money on ice cream, and quit asking the question I even hate to hear, "Do you have homework?"

My sweet, sweet boys.

Don't get me wrong...most if not all of our experiences this year have been wonderful. I admit I was a little afraid of Mrs. Baker (kindergarten) at Open House, but she has turned out to be what will surely be one of Maisy's biggest influences. I absolutely love that lady, and her assistant Mrs. Chambers. It is obvious that Maisy has them wrapped around her little finger, but those are some excellent educators and if Harry doesn't get them for Kindergarten I intend to cause a stink. Surely by then, with a child in each of the four buildings, I will have some power! Mrs. Langley, anti-sweets and anti-high fructose corn syrup Mrs. Langley...you scared me at first, also. I was sure my boy would spend a miserable year in your classroom. Quite the contrary...he has thrived under your care. His terrible, horrible, no good, very bad handwriting has improved because YOU have worked with him. You are a gem and I will miss you so. Again, if Maisy and Harry don't have you as a teacher I will cause a scene.

So the school year marches to an end, with some event nearly every day between now and then...and then, a peaceful morning...a beautiful, lovely day when my children can stay in pajamas and watch shows they would not admit to their friends that they still watch. It will be a beautiful day and I pine for it.

As I type, Charley is once again off at a meeting. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of my husband for the choices he has made. He will be home soon, and unfortunately he will discover that the drain under the driveway is clogged with other neighbors' leaves left over from today's torrential downpour. But he will approach this like he approaches everything else...with is Cheshire Cat smile and with no complaints. He will find, however, that I have at least made supper for the children. This is no easy task for me.

The mess in the yard.

Yes, the rain storm we had this morning was particularly not kind to our yard. We didn't lose another tree. Instead, we gained several small trees that the storm ripped up by the roots, washed down the street, and deposited in our yard. This, a whole lot of leaves from trees we don't have, and a bunch of yuck that washed down with it. Lovely. Weather here in the springtime south is nothing if not interesting.

My mantids continue to entertain me. Unfortunately, this week I lost two adult males. They were well over 7 months old, and that is ancient for an insect, but I will miss them. The males were fun and oh, so pretty. I now have one surviving adult male, and he is the stud. The man. The one that will carry on my mantid population. He has mated with all three, yes all three, females and continues to be spry in his old age. Perhaps he swallowed the little blue pill...I don't know. All I know is he is a lovely insect and I hope his old age in my office is a happy one. I was thrilled to let him out of his enclosure a few days ago and let him fly about the room, showing off his pretty, perfect wings and giving us a fun show. When it was time to quit playing, he happily hopped back on his stick and went home for the night. If only Chance was so easy to call home from Cameron's house!

On a final note, I have to confess that I am so conflicted about something. It is driving me near insane and I don't know how to solve this problem. It is rare that I cannot make a decision. Usually the answer is crystal clear to me. Not this time. Back in October or November, I agreed to take on the acolyte/crucifer/server program at our church. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with this type of program, but it is a lovely thing to see. At each church service, there are two acolytes (candle lighters) a crucifer (one who leads the procession into the church with the cross) and a server (one who collects the offering and who helps serve communion). This program has grown from a few kids in regular clothes to a full rotation of youth in full robes learning to serve the church in a very important way. It literally makes my heart sing to see these kids walk into the church each Sunday in the procession, paving the way for another generation of traditional Presbyterians.

But the reality is that I am not giving what I should to this program. When I agreed to do it, I thought Charley's schedule would improve and that I would not have any trouble meeting my weekly obligation. This has not turned out to be the case. Instead, I find myself in such a conflict. Do I continue to only give half my efforts to this wonderful program, or do I resign and turn it over to someone who can give it what it deserves? I find myself so stressed out each Sunday morning that I yell at my own children as I get ready for church. All three older children are becoming involved in other activities to the point that it is going to make regular Sunday attendance sporadic at best in the coming months. I literally had to pull off on the side of the expressway Sunday morning and have my older daughter talk me through a panic attack. Unfortunately this is getting worse and the only thing that is going to help is a cutting back of commitments. I know this. Charley knows this. And yet, the guilt of giving up this program and this commitment I made is so upsetting.

So the days go by and I do nothing. I continue to worry. I continue to panic. I continue to let opportunities to give this up pass me by. This is the week, however, that I make my decision. My decision is actually made. I am going to give this up to someone who can be what the program needs and I will watch from the sidelines, helping when I can and enjoying once again the pomp and circumstance of being a Presbyterian that I have not been able to enjoy since late November. The time has come. I am so sorry if I disappoint anyone but sometimes a decision has to be made for selfish reasons, and my family and my faith are being compromised. I am quite sure that spending the silent confession asking forgiveness for cursing at my own children due to stress over this program is a sign that something needs to change. I'll tell them this week and I'm sure I'll cry over it, but the decision is for the best.

I don't want to end on a sad note, so I will end on a small happy note. Harry has proven himself today to be the final little piece in our nerdy pie. All our children have built things with their food, but I think Harry has won the big prize. I give you Taterhenge.

Taterhenge.

Happy Monday, all...if this week goes as I hope it will it will be a good one.