Thursday, July 14, 2011

Turning the Page

I first made his acquaintance almost ten years ago. I had a child a little younger than him, but they were friends. I actually met him through Caitlyn, and I'm happy to say that of all her friends, he and his cronies have always been ones she could count on, friends that wouldn't lead her astray and certainly wouldn't let her down.

The first time I ever saw him, he was eleven years old, a scrawny little thing with shaggy hair and glasses that didn't fit just right. His family wasn't very good to him, and he was grateful for the escape that school and his friends provided. His home life left a lot to be desired, and I always felt bad when he had to go back to his house. I was happy when we were able to bring him into our home, but he never was able to stay for long. A few days at a time, and then I'd spend the next year or so wondering how he was faring and what kind of shape he'd be in the next time I saw him.

He had a pet, given to him by a friend, and thankfully she was always around to talk to when he was having trouble at home. He also had a bunch of loyal friends, but like most kids his age, had trouble with the school bullies. His parents had died long ago, leaving him with only faint memories, and making him an easy target for the bullies and their leader, who would stop at nothing to bring him misery. In spite of that, he liked school and I was glad my daughter had an older friend that she could look up to, one that seemed to excel in spite of his hardships.

At one point, we thought he'd be able to move in with his godfather, but tragically, that didn't come to pass. It was just another heartbreaking disappointment for that young boy. It must have been awful to be so close to happiness, only to have it ripped away again. I'm so glad he had a close group of friends to help him through that time because it was a terrible time.

We were happy to entertain him whenever he paid us a visit. Actually, I guess you could say that he entertained us. For years. He's never really been out of our thoughts since the moment we met him. In addition to Caitlyn, he's been a great influence on our other children too. I'm so glad they had the chance to get to know him.

Tonight, we'll go visit him one last time. He's done with school now, and he finally handled those bullies. He has grown into a fine young man, one I am so proud to know. I know his parents would be proud of him if they could see him now, and I have a feeling they can. It's time for him to move on to the next phase in his life, but I hope he knows he's always welcome in our home.

We'll leave the book light on for you, Harry.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Celebrating the Five Percent

My parents have always enjoyed a good train ride to New Orleans, and celebrating for several days in the Crescent City before riding back. I’ve always enjoyed seeing them off and picking them up, when they would come off the train with stories and little fun things for the kids. On November 5, 2004, I picked them up as usual after a trip, and I knew something was not right.
This is not a time period in my life that I like to relive, and I try not to even think about it, except to encourage others in the same situation or when I give thanks that it all turned out the way it did.
My father was never one to visit the doctor. In fact, I only remember him visiting the doctor once during my life before 2004, and in 2004 I was 33 years old. I won’t go into the order of events that got us to the hospital that night, only that we got there and discovered that my father was in the process of surviving a hemorrhagic stroke. I don’t say that he SUFFERED the stroke. I say that he SURVIVED the stroke, because from the moment we entered the door until this very moment, nearly seven years later, that is what he did and is doing.
There are two main kinds of strokes, I’ve learned. Blockages and bleeds. What he had was a bleed, caused by high blood pressure. There are several areas in the brain that can be the location of the stroke. His was in the area of his brain that controls autonomic functions…breathing and heartbeat and all those vital things that keep us alive.

We were told when he was admitted to the ICU in the Neuroscience Department at Gwinnett Medical Center that 95 percent of people that have the type of stroke that he did in that area of the brain never make it to the hospital, but for the lucky 5 percent that do, they almost always make a full recovery. So if you are a gambling person and are planning a stroke, you’d better think this kind through very carefully. Odds are you won’t make it, but if you do, then it’s the best kind of stroke to have.
These statistics might sound pretty grim, and of course, they did to us then, especially when complications arose and he was fighting an infection that could not be found and was making no sense when he talked to us, if he talked at all. It seemed he had gone to a place that we could not reach, and I thought of all the things that made my father my Daddy…were they lost forever? Would he make it back to the person he had been just one day earlier, or would my children never know the brilliance of that man?
Over the next few days a wonderful team of heroes worked tirelessly to find the source of the infection. It turned out to be a simple gallbladder attack, one that more than likely caused his blood pressure to rise to the level it did to cause the stroke in the blood vessels weakened by the diabetes. Nurse Ron was the one who insisted on the gallbladder ultrasound and who told us that if that was the cause, he’d be on the road to recovery within hours. Nurse Beverly took my mother aside and told her that she had had a special talk with God and that He was not prepared for my father’s arrival just yet. Ron and Beverly were both right. Within hours of the surgery, his fever was gone and he was up and talking.


It might sound like this was the happy ending, but it wasn’t quite there yet. We still had the stroke to deal with, and when I say he was up and talking he was, only he was speaking in Japanese and none of us could understand it. They call this Aphasia, a common effect of stroke a condition where language is altered. Some forget how to talk. Others confuse words. Daddy switched over to Japanese. None of us spoke Japanese, and the grandchildren certainly couldn’t understand why Dan Dan was speaking to them in this other language. Days went by and the Japanese language gave way to English, only it was almost as hard to understand. Why was Daddy so convinced that Kris Kringle was evil, and what was the fascination with Burl Ives’ bathroom habits? There were monkeys in the trees and the Auburn football players on TV were talking to him. He spoke to me like I was a little child, and talked to his dog as if the dog was in the room, which he was not.
The speech pathologist at the hospital assured us this was temporary, but it was SO hard to believe. I was so happy that he had survived, but worried that the Daddy I knew was no longer accessible. Weeks went by, and the hospital turned to a rehabilitation center. This is where the real progress was made, and in just three weeks was discharged to home, in time for Christmas, not even remembering that he had seen more doctors in the last five weeks than he had seen in his entire life, and that every medical test known to man had been run and all his health ailments repaired.
Looking back, I can’t really remember a defining moment when I knew that my Daddy was back, only that less than 7 months after his stroke, we attended our first ever reunion of his Air Force group, Misawans in America. Here he was able to use the Japanese language that he tried so hard to use in the hospital, only this time he was understood. He talked and laughed with old friends and shared jokes from long ago that only they understood. He showed off his grandchildren. Hardly anyone present knew he had ever had the stroke, and those that did were amazed that he showed no effects. Yes, he walks with a cane, but he walked with a cane before because it just looks so darn distinguished. If you look closely at the cane you’ll see that it is not a medical –grade assistance device, but rather a Japanese fighting cane.


So yes, he’s back. He was able to see his oldest grandchild earn her Black Belt in karate, something that they share together. He was able to be there to see his grandson born, and to have a grandchild share his name. He has been there to support the son he never had, my husband Charley. He has been able to reconnect with all his friends from long ago and will soon attend his seventh reunion with them. I am thankful every day for the things he has been able to see and do.

My Daddy, at the Seattle reunion. This is my favorite picture of my parents

I remain convinced, 100 percent, that the stroke saved his life. It sounds strange, but I believe if it had not happened, he would have continued on with his diabetes and his undiagnosed health problems and probably would not be here today. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s a loving man and he’s still the one whose advice I seek. I am so thankful for those doctors, those nurses, and those therapists that brought my Daddy back to me.
I believe in second chances because I saw it happen. I also believe in God’s plan for all of us. As stubborn as my Daddy is, even he could not throw a wrench into His plan. There was a lot left to do on Jim Boone’s list. He was in the five percent, and he’s mine to be thankful for, today and always.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. We love you very much.
**For anyone out there who does not know the signs of a stroke, please make yourself aware. Time is off the essence when treating a stroke. Please visit www.strokeassociation.org for a complete list of symptoms. REMEMBER…TIME LOST IS BRAIN LOST!!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Apologies to Ken

Ok, so maybe I made a little merry on Memorial Day. Perhaps I should have stuck with the Magic Hat and not tried something new. Maybe I should have stopped with one helping of grilled food. Whatever the reason, I promise I will TRY to never make fun of Ken Cook again.
Ken Cook, as most of you know, is my secret nemesis. He’s the ever-popular Atlanta weather man, or meteorologist, that makes me so crazy.
My love-hate relationship with Ken Cook goes way back to the early 1980s, when I was in the fifth grade and had that big crush on Forrest Sawyer, who was at the time an anchor for Channel 5 in Atlanta. I watched the news religiously. Not because I thought I might become a newswoman, or a weather girl, or anything of the like. I watched because I had a thing for Forrest Sawyer and I’d be danged if I was going to let that silly Pam Martin get her hands on him. I even used to listen to that old Anne Murray song, “A Little Good News,” that my mother liked and picture me and Forrest, happy together, running off and leaving Pam behind.
While I was drooling over Forrest, part of the deal was Ken Cook. He was a slick, black-haired weather man back then, and he usually, I noticed, got the forecast right. Not that I cared. As long as the power didn’t go out and make me miss Hart to Hart or God forbid, Scarecrow and Mrs. King, I really didn’t care what Ken had to say.
Then one day we were sitting in our 6th grade science class and in walked Ken Cook! There he was, in all his weather personality glory, talking to us like he actually appreciated what a student had to say. That was, until Casey Keesee accused him of coloring his hair and after that, he quickly excused himself from the classroom.
Years went by and I moved away. Forrest moved off and made it big on the CBS Evening News as a correspondent and Pam moved over to Channel 2. Channel 5 became a FOX affiliate. I continued to not care what Ken said. From time to time, my mother might mention something she heard Ken say. At that point I couldn’t really believe he was still alive, much less still on television.
More years went by, and I found myself living once again within range of Ken’s forecast. I began to worry over the weather. I began to worry over the big tree in our front yard that seemed to take aim at our picture window every time it stormed. I began to worry more and more about Charley’s commute to Buford each time the dreaded “S” word was in the forecast.
As Ken pranced around in his red vest, yelling and cheering about a Winter Wonderland, my husband sat, stuck on I85 North for ten hours in January of 2010. It was at this point that I began to despise Ken and all he represented…a culture so deprived of snow that they feel the need to rush out and buy a generator and a snow shovel every time Ken dons the red vest.
It’s not much better in the springtime, either. This is when you can find Ken in his yellow vest…shouting about tornadoes and interrupting the season finale of Bones. He continues to holler at people he must know are without power, urging them to seek underground shelter before it’s too late. He MUST realize that it is probably already too late, and even if it’s not, they are probably without power and are using what little remains on the generator to communicate with loved ones, not watch his storm-crazed antics.
So for several years I have made fun of Ken, to anyone who would listen. Mostly because I hate snow, but occasionally because I simply hate any weather that disrupts my fun. But this all ends tonight. You see, I had a horrible dream last night. I dreamed that Ken was trying to assassinate me. First, he tried to strangle me by the kitchen sink. After I escaped, he tried to hunt me down with what looked suspiciously like Harry’s Nerf water gun. Finally, after a big tree shot through my picture window in the den, he tried to hunt me down with a piece of glass he took from that, no doubt as punishment for ignoring his storm warnings.
I woke up with a racing heartbeat, and in a cold sweat. I was thankful to be alive after all that running from the homicidal weather man. I checked all my limbs and make sure I was still in one piece, and went to the den to make sure the tree wasn’t sprawled across the sofa.. Then I started thinking about taking my kids to the beach on Thursday. I wonder what the weather will be like. Perhaps I should check with Ken. I wonder if he’ll take me back, after all these years. He turned out better looking than Forrest, anyway…

Friday, May 20, 2011

One Last Ride on the Big Cheese



The Big Cheese rolled out of here this morning at 7:07 a.m. on its final journey of the school year. They were a little slower and a little more tired than they were when this week started, but they had smiles on their faces in anticipation of one more fun day followed by a summer break. Mind you, now, that the Big Cheese was short one Martin passenger, as Caitlyn finished up yesterday and was snoozing peacefully while I herded Chance and Maisy out the door one final time. We whined over shoes. We whined over clothes. We fell in heaps and cried over all kinds of things. Chance and Maisy were pretty dramatic as well.






A school year in its final days, as I have said before, is a painful thing to watch. The kids are tired. The teachers are tired. The parents are tired and, in most cases, financially strapped because they write one check after another to the school system. Field trips and field days, award ceremonies and class parties. CRCT and final exams. What’s left, after all the fun and stressful stuff is finally over, is a very tired child, a very tired teacher, and a sense of urgency to just get the thing over with already. The last few weeks of school, to me, are a testament to why year-round schooling is never a good idea.
So here I sit, two of my students home already and the last one hurtling toward the house on the big yellow bus just as fast as that driver can legally carry him. He’s the one, most of all, who is looking forward to a lazy summer. It’s sad, really, that he’s the final holdout.



Mrs. Langley, Chance's third grade teacher, doing what she did best...encouraging him!

Yes, here I sit, pondering the school year that is closing with mostly affection and good memories. The few bad ones that stand out are being vindicated through some staff changes, and that’s all I’m going to say about that. But the good ones…oh, the good ones! The fun of watching Chance and Dallas battle for AR points all year, the joy of seeing my tenth grader bond with some really good educators while holding her head high against the not-so-good one; the pride I felt at all three awards days watching my little people accept their hard-earned awards. There was the excitement of educating another group of young children on the wonders of the praying mantis, and the pride I felt when they remembered so much from last year. There was the pride of serving on the WJPS School Council and seeing the parents, educators and business partners working together for the benefit of our school. There was the excitement of participating in the Braselton-Hoschton Relay for Life, cheering on the WJPS and WJIS basketball teams in the benefit game, and hearing that game dedicated to a very special person to my heart and to the heart of my child.









Maisy and her kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Baker.



We are proud to have a copy of the first ever “Pandora’s Box,” the literary magazine of JCCHS, with our daughter Caitlyn listed as editor-in-chief. We enjoyed unprecedented wins with the Reading Bowl team, even having the opportunity to travel to south Georgia for the championship tournament. What a thrill seeing those kids hauling off that big trophy! We enjoyed a beautiful day in north Georgia watching Caitlyn participate in the Regional One Act Play competition, and enjoyed several performances of hers as Gloom in Cagebirds. It’s the knee, you know…it locks…rigid…
I am a lucky woman, and I know it. I have three children in school who love to learn and who seem to enjoy embracing their nerdy, eccentric, and even artistic sides. They are who they are, and for that I am very thankful. But I cannot close this entry without giving some credit where it is due. I didn’t think we could have as good a school year as we had last year. I didn’t think there would ever be anyone to fill the shoes of




Chance and his third grade teacher, Mrs. Langley


Mrs. Baker and Mrs. Langley, Mrs.Wilson and Ms. Chambers. And I was right…no one can fill their shoes. What I discovered, however, is that they were the beginning…the foundation that would hold my two younger students up for the rest of their lives, and that others along the way would add to that foundation and make them into the people they will become. Funny, artistic, musical Ms. Tinnell…with her violin and her books, her invention fair and her crazy, curly red hair. She’s not afraid to put on a grass skirt and tell me to shove another crumpet in Maisy’s mouth. The moment I met her and found out that she not only serenades the children on their birthdays with the violin, she has designs to be Manuelo the







Maisy and Ms. Tinnell


Playing Mantis for Halloween, I knew that Maisy had met a kindred spirit. And Mrs. Leitsch, with her smiling eyes and her obvious appreciation for the spirit of a young boy, encouraging and cheering Chance and his friend Dallas along the way in their reading war. Not afraid to tell my son when he’s being lazy, not afraid to push him just a little harder to be what she knows he can be. What a gem. I hope he’s made her proud.





Chance, his fourth grade teacher Mrs. Leitsch, and Harry


I love the fact that it takes my children thirty minutes to just walk from the gym to the office, because they have to stop and hug every teacher along the way.


Maisy with two of her most favorite people...Mrs. Baker and Ms. Chambers



I love that fact that I found out late in this school year why my flowers were disappearing near the mailbox…Maisy was picking them every morning to take to last year’s parapro, Ms. Chambers. I love that fact that when we knocked on the door today to say goodbye to last year’s teachers, all the kids started yelling, “She’s here! That girl who comes by every day to hug you is here.” And I love the idea that once Maisy is in high school, she’ll probably have to leave home by 5 a.m. every morning in order to hit all the buildings and to give out all the hugs.


One more hug from Ms. Chambers before leaving today...look how Maisy has grown since last year!


Welcome summer. Although they are ready for the break, they are downstairs playing school. It’s good to know that when August rolls around, they won’t be out of practice.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Some days, it just all falls into place, in spite of everything...

Some days, it just all falls into place…
Last night, I had the pleasure of attending my first ever public Zumba class. I enjoy Zumba, but had never tried it outside my Wii game and the safety and privacy of my own living room. I wasn’t expecting to completely embarrass myself, but I wasn’t exactly expecting to come away with the huge amount of energy and the on-top-of-the-world feeling that I found. I enjoyed a place directly behind my friend Chris, who has been attending classes for a while, and by the time I left I was aware of two things. 1. I am not as rhythmically impaired as I originally thought, and 2. Even though I have panic disorder and regularly fear that I suffer from some cardiac malady, I clearly do not suffer from any cardiac maladies at all or else I would have surely not been able to do an hour of Zumba.
So, I came home with all kinds of energy and this led to not being able to sleep. I didn’t want to kill the healthy buzz I had going by indulging in Uncle Ben or Magic Hat, so I tossed and turned and thought of what color nail polish Kate Middleton would choose to wear for her wedding that was getting closer by the second and I intended to watch, even though I had had no sleep. For the record, I now know what color she chose but I’ll be darned if I’m telling any of you before I get a chance to run out and snag a bottle. It’s not even a color I would normally choose, but I must have it now.
Anyway, I finally fell asleep somewhere around midnight thirty, and woke up to get our Royal Wedding party going at 3 a.m. Charley had been kind enough to make cucumber sandwiches, crumpets and tea cakes, and had provided a nice assortment of English breakfast teas for the party. I had a wonderful time sitting on the sofa with my girlies, watching the Royal Wedding and eating tea and crumpets. Remember the crumpets…they’ll come back in this story later.
At 8 a.m., I needed to be at the church to commune with my friends over biscuits and to discuss secret, important topics that I will not discuss here, things like what might possibly happen in the Fantastic Four and what we should call the bathroom news. Unfortunately I had to cut my morning short to go meet with Mrs. Bell, the principal of the primary school, who thankfully I happen to adore. We discussed the end of year report that I must prepare and present, and discussed once again my vision of placing a Georgia habitat in the courtyard. Shortly after this is when it all began to go downhill. Mrs. Bell asked what was in the container. I told her it was a praying mantis. She quickly retreated to the other side of the room and looked at the container with caution. It was about this time that Ms. Tinnell, funny, patient, artistic Ms. Tinnell, happened to walk by the office. “I’m so excited about you bringing your mantids to our classroom. Maisy tells me you are going to wear the crown she made you.” OOPS. I have left the crown at home and I tell Ms. Tinnell that it is her duty to tell Maisy of this unfortunate turn of events.
Later she walks back by the office and I ask her about the crown, and if she has told Maisy that I forgot it. She says no. I tell her that she simply MUST tell her or I will be in trouble and the presentation will be ruined. She says Maisy is still high off her tea and crumpets and won’t notice. “Just stuff another crumpet in her mouth,” she advises me. I love this lady. She tells me that she wants to come live with us because we do fun things like raise praying mantids and serve tea and crumpets. I love this place. I love this school. I love being on this council where I can do things like place mantis eggs in the garden and actually have people appreciate it. Thank you Lord, for bringing me here. Thank you for letting me be in this beautiful place. Thank you for teachers that don’t think twice about saying, “stuff another crumpet in her mouth.” Thank you, so very much, for bringing these people into the lives of my children. There are no words. Just “thank you.”
I finished my day by presenting my final mantis show of the year to the first grade of West Jackson Primary School. I was astonished by how much they remembered from last year. They remembered all kinds of things like exoskeletons, metamorphosis and insect classifications. Finally one little boy had a question. “How long have you had the mantis tattoo?” When I told him I had had it for about five years, he said, “Man…you are the coolest ever.” Thanks little friend…you are pretty cool too.
Hello to my calling. You are getting much louder.
PS—the color is Essie’s “Allure.” I have it now!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Nearer, My God to Thee...oops, Cait's driving!

Every time I get in the car with Caitlyn, the radio plays a song about meeting Jesus face to face. Seriously. Every. Time. I wouldn't think this was all that funny except many years ago, when my father was teaching me to drive, he used to sit in the back seat and sing such songs as, "Nearer My God To Thee" and "There is a Fountain Filled with Blood." What comes around goes around.

My daughter is, unfortunately, not doing well in her Driver's Education class. This is not her fault. It is mine. 

I used to be comfortable in the West Jackson Intermediate School parking lot. She could turn, she could signal, she could back up and not worry about oncoming traffic. This is before I realized that she needed to get out of a parking lot.

Thursday she came home and announced that Friday was a driving day in her class. I tried very hard to put my reservations aside. I secured babysitting for Harry. I put her behind the wheel. I said an extra prayer.

We left and headed down Jackson Trail Road, a road I never realized was as long as it was until I was in the passenger seat with a 15-year-old driver who wants to listen to whatver used to be 96 Rock. I think I prefer "You'll Meet Jesus Face to Face" to whatever they are playing on that station that sounds suspiciously like, "You'll kill your Mama in a minivan."

About three miles down the road, I had to pull over. The closest right turn happened to be a church. I didn't care. It could have been a tattoo parlor. It didn't really matter as long as the car was stopped and I was able to access Facebook and request the prayer of my friends while I was on this journey. Caitlyn asked me if I needed to be close to the Lord in the church parking lot and I assured her that I felt closer to the Lord in the last 15 minutes than I had in quite some time.

And yet she insisted in continuing on, through Jefferson and on up to Athens.   There were only a few times I grabbed the steering wheel.    Only a few times that I prayed out loud. Only a few times did I consider asking her to just put me out on the side of the road and I'd find a ride home, thank you very much.

We somehow made it down Hwy. 330 and past the "Dave Dodson" curve and on to Hwy. 53 and nearly into the driveway before I had to take over. Lord help us all.

She really is a good driver. What is the problem? I don't fear growing older. I don't fear big insects. I don't fear thunderstorms or earthquakes or volcanoes or all kinds of other things that make other people nervous. What I DO fear, however, is my daughter behind the wheel of my Dodge Caravan. She's a good girl. She makes good grades. She's a storyteller at Sunday School. She is editor in chief of the literary magazine. She is a Girl Scout volunteer and a supporter of veterans. What's my problem? At this rate, she'll never learn to drive. And no one seems willing to take over my position.

Would I have chosen to have four children if I had thought about teaching them how to drive? I'm taking serious applicants only. Please, someone, teach my daughter how to drive. I can' t pay a lot, but I can offer you some good supper and some good references and if you are old enough, a trip to Copper Creek to celebrate the passing of the drivers test, whenver that happens. Nearer My God to Thee, indeed.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Thank you for letting me be in this beautiful place...

One of my favorite books is "The Christmas Tree," by Julie Salamon. I first read it about nine years ago and since then, have made it a staple of my holiday routine. The book follows several years in the life of the chief "gardener" at Rockefeller Center and his friendship with a nun, Sister Anthony. One of my favorite parts of the story is a recollection by the nun of when she first came to the convent as a young orphan girl.

"I remember Sister Francis saying, 'You will say your prayers before you go to sleep, won't you?'

I nodded, but I wasn't sure I could live up to my end of the bargain. I'd been living in an orphanage for about a year and had forgotten how. I tried to remember the bedtime prayer I used to say with my father, but I couldn't. Finally I simply said, 'thank you for letting me be in this beautiful place.'"




As usual, I read this book several times over the Christmas season, but this year, instead of packing it away with my decorations, I decided to leave it out and make a study of why the book means so much to me. I have nothing in common with the nun, except a love of plants and insects. I have nothing in common with the gardener, except maybe a too-hurried lifestyle that leads to cynical thoughts and behaviors. But taken chapter by chapter, I've started to realize why this book is so important. It is about finding something that was lost. It isn't about a tree at all, although "Tree," as he is known, played a big part in helping the little girl Anna find what she had lost...her home and her love of nature, and eventually her calling as a teacher and sister. When Anna loses her satchel and the sisters tell her to ask St. Anthony for help, she promises to repay him and never forget how he helped her. When she became a nun, she took his name, in the hopes that someday she could help someone find something they had lost. As the book progresses, she indeed helps the gardener, as he rediscovers his love of nature and his appreciation for life in general. In essence, she helps him rediscover his happiness and why he loves his work. The real surprise comes at the end of the book, when it is the gardener himself, through a strange twist of events, that brings everything full circle by helping Sister Anthony find something precious that she had lost, even when she didn't realize she had lost it.

I've thought about this book a lot lately. Sometimes a person is lost without knowing it. Sometimes, a person has lost "something" without knowing it is lost. I think this happens to us more often than we realize.

Take for example the 19 years that went by between my high school graduation and the beginning of planning for my 20-year high school reunion. I was happy. I had a family, a successful career and a good life. I didn't need to go back down any of those roads. But suddenly I found myself in a planning position, gathering addresses, finding people, and talking for the first time in nearly two decades. I didn't think I needed them, but I did. They were a part of me that was lost, and through the miracle of the internet and the healing power of 20 years, we are all friends again. We are on even ground. We are who we are, and we are happy to be back in each other's lives. I didn't know what I was missing. I didn't know what was lost.

I haven't asked him, but I think my father probably feels the same way about getting back in touch with his Air Force buddies from long ago. My father served in Misawa, Japan, in the late 1950s and served with a fantastic group of people. Again, through the miracle we call the internet, they have all reconnected and in the last several years, have met for a yearly reunion, one that my father is currently helping plan for this year. I don't think he knew what he was missing until it was found again. And now there it is...every day. Messages and emails and jokes from long ago. Sitting in a hospitality room drinking Japanese beer and trading stories, stories that get bigger and better with each reunion. Lost, now found.

There are my cats, and how I've rediscovered my passion for homeless animals. There's my writing, and how after nearly 20 years of brandishing the red pen, I remembered that I had a "voice" of my own. There's my science, and how I love to educate my children in what I like to call kitchen chemistry and my new plans for a backyard Georgia habitat in some unused space outside the primary school. And then there's this whole thing with church. While I don't think I ever truly lost my way spiritually, I certainly was in a holding pattern. People talk about finding Jesus, and others will say something like, "I didn't know He was lost." He wasn't lost, but maybe I was, and making my way back to Him and realizing He was there all along, waiting for me, in spite of my flaws, in spite of my crazy ways, makes my heart sing. Some days it sings a traditional hymn and other days it sings a rock and roll song, but these days my heart is singing and singing loud.

I could go on and on about how Sister Anthony and her gardener friend have spoken to me. I could list 100 things that have happened to me that have brought me back to the person I was supposed to be.

For years, I think I have been rediscovering lost things. I am not sorry most of them were lost, because the journey to finding them again was a valuable lesson in itself. I have rediscovered lost interests, lost friends, and lost plans. I have found these things again, and found them as a newer, more mature person ready to meet the challenges. But there is something magical about finding something you did not realize you had lost.

I think I'm beginning to find it. I'm not even sure what it is, but it is becoming more clear every day. Every single day, I see circumstances and meet people that I feel were put here to lead me along the way. It is a wonderful thing to go from "existing" to "living." For quite some time, I feel like I have been existing...cleaning the house, paying the bills, working, doing what I was supposed to do and saying what I was supposed to say...and simply existing. But I wanted to LIVE, not just exist. And it is happening now, just like I wanted. Every day. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the possibilities, and other times I am overwhelmed by the thoughts that I almost didn't see it, that I could have chosen a different path, or stayed the course on a path that was not leading me anywhere.

I rarely show much emotion. Sure, I get worked up over American Idol (not this year, since I gave it up when Simon left) or sniff at a sad song, but I am rarely OVERCOME with emotion. I often don't know how to express, in a proper way, thanks or gratitude. But a few days ago, during a normal, routine day, I was overcome with this one thought.

"Thank you for letting me be in this beautiful place."

I think, simple as it is, that says it all.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Let it thaw, let it thaw, let it thaw...

Good evening, friends...I write you from my perch inside my office, back turned to the offending window. The window that overlooks the yard. The yard that is buried under two inches of solid ice. The yard that I currently despise.

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. Those who know me quite well already know this which I am about to reveal. I do not like snow. There. I said it. I have never liked snow. I am a Southern born and raised woman who does not sit around praying for snow the moment Ken Cook dons his red vest and starts dancing around in front of the green screen and yelling about a winter wonderland. I do not like snow. I am not exactly sure when I began to feel this way, but I think it had something to do with being in college and sitting in a 3-hour economics class that started at 7:50 and the cancellation of school came at 8:00, stepping out and seeing a wasteland with no food and no transportation, and trying to walk the two miles back to my apartment in a pair of really inappropriate shoes only to end up in the Gilbert Health Center with a torn achilles heel and referral to some foot doctor I couldn't possibly reach because of snow on the ground. Or maybe it was later that weekend, when I realized I couldn't even get a tray from the dining hall because everyone else already stolen them for sleds while I was waiting for someone to examine my foot. Perhaps it was on Sunday of that weekend, when the dining hall closed and Joy and I had nothing to eat except Pop Tarts, and they weren't even frosted. Or perhaps it all goes back to my first year working a real job, when I was forced to stay and meet a deadline and ship something via Fed Ex even though I was fully aware that not only was Fed Ex not going to make it, but neither was I since I lived an hour away.

Regardless of how I got here, this is where I am. I have not liked snow for at least 20 years. Yet here I sit, surrounded by it, and surrounded by garbage that is piling up because the garbage company can't possibly get down this road. After a whopping three days back at school after Christmas break, the kids are now facing their fifth day of what will for all practical purposes amount to Spring Break. They are getting kind of crazy. So am I.


The first day, Monday, I decided we needed to rearrange our bedroom furniture. It looks good and the new arrangement really shows off the chair I stole from my children because they were abusing it. I wanted that chair anyway. Then I decided having Maisy downstairs was not working out, so we emptied the study altogether (they aren't using it anyway since we've entered a permanent ice age and they'll probably never return to school again) and moved her into the study, princesses and all.

Wednesday morning I decided I needed to walk to Publix. Yes, I am well aware that Publix is three miles from this house. I did not care. I love my family, but I wanted some Dr. Pepper, and I was willing to make a run for it. Caitlyn and I set out at about 12:30 with backpacks and good intentions. At 1:15, we were at the front of our neighborhood, cowering in a ditch because we had to take refuge from the slipping, sliding mail truck that was headed straight for us.  That mail truck didn't even have my Amazon package.

Later that afternoon, we went outside to see about shoveling the driveway, which was by then completely frozen under two inches of ice. Four of the six of us went outside and worked on the driveway, during which time I heard, and said, many interesting things, which I will document for you here now...

"Don't use the snow shovel! Something like 50 percent of people that shovel snow have a heart attack and die."

"Why did the mail truck even bother nearly running us over when they didn't even bring my Amazon package?"

"I'm gonna bust us outta here." (that was Harry with his Tonka bulldozer)

"Why is the neighbor building an igloo?"

"Here comes Shirtless Man!"

(For those of you that don't know, Shirtless Man is our neighbor. We don't know his real name, nor do we know if he actually owns any shirts. I have never seen him wear one. He likes to rip up and down the road shirtless, sometimes on a bicycle, sometimes, like now, on his riding lawnmower. It's an expensive lawnmower, too...maybe he used all his shirt money buying that fancy lawnmower.)

"Harry! Stop it!"

"Why?"

"Because you'll fall and bust your head and never get to see Mr. Anthony again." So now we've resorted to threatening Harry with never seeing his Sunday school teacher again if he even thinks about climbing the stairs. Nice.

We love each other. We really do. We are a family that relishes time together and uses any excuse to grill out and have a party on the deck. We even celebrated the birthday of Charley's car 2 weeks ago. We know how to have a good time. We even took our telescope out on the deck last night and used the clear evening to observe Jupiter. But we've got to get out of here. Tomorrow isn't looking very good. I'll miss a meeting, Charley will miss a third day of work and his meeting. Yet another day will pass without me being able to make the video I promised to have ready for church on Sunday. Target's sale on fitness dvds is almost over, not that I'll need it after shoveling ice for two hours. P90X has has nothing on the snow shovel. Nothing.

My baby mantids are looking at me kind of funny, like they know their fruit fly supply is dwindling. I am almost positive one of them was sizing me up for his next meal.

I don't like snow. I never have. I never will. I love all kinds of things that no one else does, though, like insects, volcanoes, diagramming sentences, housework, and 1990s boy bands. Does that pardon me for my negativity about snow, or am I just a Southern anomaly? Everyone around me seems to love it, or else they did. If Facebook updates are any indication, I may have converted some people over to my side. If not, the next time Ken Cook starts prancing around in the red vest, sleeves rolled up and shouting about a winter wonderland, you all need to remember the way you are feeling right now...trapped, anxious, and something like Jack Torrance from The Shining.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go brush off the grill and get ready to grill some hamburgers, set off some sparklers, ride my aerobic step down the hill and make some snow cream with what is left of my egg nog stash. See? I'm not that big of a downer. I know how to have fun.  But, I'm a lot more fun when Ken isn't wearing the red vest.
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