Going Back to the Start

Endings, Beginnings and More Endings

At the beginning of our school year, I hung a big flag in the shape of a yellow bus that said, "School Days." At the back of the house, I also hung a little miniature bus flag that said, "Back to School." I did this to tease Chance, since he was not ready to give up his summer days in front of the television and clutching a Wii remote. But truth be told, I was secretly glad to see the big yellow taxi, even if it meant sending my Maisy off for the first time. Fast forward almost nine months, and I am as anxious as Chance for this year to be over.

Maisy and Skulli love to sleep late!

We have had a great school year, full of fun and honors and awards and all kinds of good things that make a parent proud. If I may boast for just a moment, my Chance and my Maisy BOTH have the most AR points for their grade. To make this even sweeter, Maisy was the first kindergartener to obtain the prized AR hat. Caitlyn has really excelled this year as well, diving into her freshman year and coming out with good grades, good experiences and a mystery award to be given at next week's Honors Day.

But the time has come. It needs to end. A school year in its final days when teachers are tired and students are bored is almost painful to watch. They drag themselves up the stairs every morning, drag themselves off the bus and just seem to be going through the motions while these last days slowly tick by...tick, tock, tick, tock.

I am ready to fire up the Wii, ready to get into that growing Netflix queue, and ready to stop having to sign those damned agendas. I'm ready to quit harping on not ruining your good pants on Art Day, quit worrying over Maisy spending all her lunch money on ice cream, and quit asking the question I even hate to hear, "Do you have homework?"

My sweet, sweet boys.

Don't get me wrong...most if not all of our experiences this year have been wonderful. I admit I was a little afraid of Mrs. Baker (kindergarten) at Open House, but she has turned out to be what will surely be one of Maisy's biggest influences. I absolutely love that lady, and her assistant Mrs. Chambers. It is obvious that Maisy has them wrapped around her little finger, but those are some excellent educators and if Harry doesn't get them for Kindergarten I intend to cause a stink. Surely by then, with a child in each of the four buildings, I will have some power! Mrs. Langley, anti-sweets and anti-high fructose corn syrup Mrs. Langley...you scared me at first, also. I was sure my boy would spend a miserable year in your classroom. Quite the contrary...he has thrived under your care. His terrible, horrible, no good, very bad handwriting has improved because YOU have worked with him. You are a gem and I will miss you so. Again, if Maisy and Harry don't have you as a teacher I will cause a scene.

So the school year marches to an end, with some event nearly every day between now and then...and then, a peaceful morning...a beautiful, lovely day when my children can stay in pajamas and watch shows they would not admit to their friends that they still watch. It will be a beautiful day and I pine for it.

As I type, Charley is once again off at a meeting. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of my husband for the choices he has made. He will be home soon, and unfortunately he will discover that the drain under the driveway is clogged with other neighbors' leaves left over from today's torrential downpour. But he will approach this like he approaches everything else...with is Cheshire Cat smile and with no complaints. He will find, however, that I have at least made supper for the children. This is no easy task for me.

The mess in the yard.

Yes, the rain storm we had this morning was particularly not kind to our yard. We didn't lose another tree. Instead, we gained several small trees that the storm ripped up by the roots, washed down the street, and deposited in our yard. This, a whole lot of leaves from trees we don't have, and a bunch of yuck that washed down with it. Lovely. Weather here in the springtime south is nothing if not interesting.

My mantids continue to entertain me. Unfortunately, this week I lost two adult males. They were well over 7 months old, and that is ancient for an insect, but I will miss them. The males were fun and oh, so pretty. I now have one surviving adult male, and he is the stud. The man. The one that will carry on my mantid population. He has mated with all three, yes all three, females and continues to be spry in his old age. Perhaps he swallowed the little blue pill...I don't know. All I know is he is a lovely insect and I hope his old age in my office is a happy one. I was thrilled to let him out of his enclosure a few days ago and let him fly about the room, showing off his pretty, perfect wings and giving us a fun show. When it was time to quit playing, he happily hopped back on his stick and went home for the night. If only Chance was so easy to call home from Cameron's house!

On a final note, I have to confess that I am so conflicted about something. It is driving me near insane and I don't know how to solve this problem. It is rare that I cannot make a decision. Usually the answer is crystal clear to me. Not this time. Back in October or November, I agreed to take on the acolyte/crucifer/server program at our church. I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with this type of program, but it is a lovely thing to see. At each church service, there are two acolytes (candle lighters) a crucifer (one who leads the procession into the church with the cross) and a server (one who collects the offering and who helps serve communion). This program has grown from a few kids in regular clothes to a full rotation of youth in full robes learning to serve the church in a very important way. It literally makes my heart sing to see these kids walk into the church each Sunday in the procession, paving the way for another generation of traditional Presbyterians.

But the reality is that I am not giving what I should to this program. When I agreed to do it, I thought Charley's schedule would improve and that I would not have any trouble meeting my weekly obligation. This has not turned out to be the case. Instead, I find myself in such a conflict. Do I continue to only give half my efforts to this wonderful program, or do I resign and turn it over to someone who can give it what it deserves? I find myself so stressed out each Sunday morning that I yell at my own children as I get ready for church. All three older children are becoming involved in other activities to the point that it is going to make regular Sunday attendance sporadic at best in the coming months. I literally had to pull off on the side of the expressway Sunday morning and have my older daughter talk me through a panic attack. Unfortunately this is getting worse and the only thing that is going to help is a cutting back of commitments. I know this. Charley knows this. And yet, the guilt of giving up this program and this commitment I made is so upsetting.

So the days go by and I do nothing. I continue to worry. I continue to panic. I continue to let opportunities to give this up pass me by. This is the week, however, that I make my decision. My decision is actually made. I am going to give this up to someone who can be what the program needs and I will watch from the sidelines, helping when I can and enjoying once again the pomp and circumstance of being a Presbyterian that I have not been able to enjoy since late November. The time has come. I am so sorry if I disappoint anyone but sometimes a decision has to be made for selfish reasons, and my family and my faith are being compromised. I am quite sure that spending the silent confession asking forgiveness for cursing at my own children due to stress over this program is a sign that something needs to change. I'll tell them this week and I'm sure I'll cry over it, but the decision is for the best.

I don't want to end on a sad note, so I will end on a small happy note. Harry has proven himself today to be the final little piece in our nerdy pie. All our children have built things with their food, but I think Harry has won the big prize. I give you Taterhenge.